A Zombie Apocalypse and Your Car

In the event of a zombie apocalypse, small things that we take for granted today will become major hurdles. Who will help us with basic car maintenance?! For instance, what if you get a bite or screw in a tire that causes the tire to go flat? There will be no tow trucks or calls home to save you from being stranded. This will be a major problem when tires get worn driving through debris on and off the road. Trust me, I’m no auto expert, I’m not even very mechanically inclined. But I’ve found the kinds of repairs that just about anyone can handle quickly and easily, which will be extremely important in the case of a zombie invasion.

Replacing a Flat

This job takes a little too long for comfort to do alone with zombies lurking around, but it can be a crucial repair!

  1. You’ll have to jack up your car, so make sure you won’t need to make a quick getaway and that you have someone covering you in the event an undead appears while you are under the car.
  2. Once the jack is securely in the correct spot, jack up the car until the tire is about six inches off the ground.
  3. Use your wrench to loosen the lug nuts, remove the lug nuts and pull the tire off the car. Make sure to place the lug nuts in a pile that won’t get scattered (maybe your pocket?), and pull the tire straight toward you to remove it from the wheelbase.
  4. Place the spare on the car. Line up the lug nut posts with the holes in the spare and push the spare all the way onto the wheelbase until it can’t go any further.
  5. Put on the lug nuts. Don’t put tighten them yet. Just make sure they’re on enough to keep the spare on the car.
  6. Use the jack to bring the car back down to the ground and then remove the jack.
  7. Now tighten the lug nuts. Start with one lug nut, tighten it about halfway, move to the opposite nut and tighten that one about the same amount. Keep tightening opposite nuts gradually in turn until they are as tight as can be.

Air Filter

You need a new air filter for your car every 12 months or 12,000 miles, whichever comes first. This will completely depend on if you find yourself a defensible building…solid…brick with few windows, i.e., a power plant or a prison, OR if you will be nomad-ing it from camp to camp.

  1. First, find your filter under the hood of the car. It’s probably in a black rectangular box with metal clips on the side.
  2. Open up the casing, and check out how the air filter fits in it. Make a note of which way the filter faces. This could save your life, because we all know zombies have unpredictable timing!
  3. Remove the old air filter, and insert the new one exactly how the old one sat.
  4. Remember to close the metal clips when you’re done.

That’s it! Good as new.

Windshield Wipers

To be on the safe side, you’ll need new wiper blades after about six months or a year of wiping zombie blood and guts off the windshield. Nowadays, you probably tend to go a little longer than this, but you won’t want to deal with the danger of streaking while you are driving straight into a herd of walkers!

Basically, the process is similar to changing your air filter:

  1. Lift the blades off of the windshield to remove them.
  2. Pay attention to how the old blades connect to the metal arms. Again…lifesaver.
  3. There should be a tab on the underside of the wiper. Push the tab to remove the old blade.
  4. Attach the new blades. Line everything up and make sure the new ones are on tight.

If you get distracted by a passing zombie or just can’t remember exactly how the new blades should fit on the wiper arm, don’t worry. The packaging for the new blades should have a general set of instructions and a helpful diagram…if you happened to have raided an auto parts shop.

Battery Maintenance

The key to keeping your car running smoothly and efficiently is a good battery connection. Just a few specks of crunchy white residue on the posts can keep your car from starting…which we would not want to happen when those creepy lurkers come ‘a crawling! A visual check of the condition of your battery will tell you when you need to perform this process.

  1. Remove your battery terminals, which should be a fairly straightforward process.
  2. Make sure you always remove the negative cable first.
  3. Clean the posts with a corrosion-removal fluid. Some say Coca-Cola will work, and it does! So if biters overrun the local auto parts store, use the soda instead.
  4. Apply the fluid to the posts, and clean vigorously with a wire brush or whatever you can find to scrub with.
  5. Rinse the cleaning fluid with a little water.
  6. Dry the posts with rags or a piece of a dead zombie’s shirt.
  7. Replace battery terminals.

Worst-case scenario, if you can’t get the car to run, hotwire one of the thousands of abandoned cars on the highway!

Whether or not you believe that a zombie apocalypse will occur, it is always good to know the simple things we can do to maintain our own cars for much less than it would cost to have a repair guy do it for us! Hopefully the walking dead will never swarm us. Just in case, these are some great things we can master now – before that time comes!

Do you have any other auto repairs that you complete on your own? Let us know your tips to help us save money now and be prepared if a zombie outbreak occurs!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *